Ok, so here we are, January 2020, full of resolutions, enthusiasm, and energy. Except, it’s January 9th, and the reason the newsletter hasn’t gone out yet, is because they have been waiting for my submission. Embarrassing. Of all months, I’m supposed to be crushing this one. Except, I’m not feeling the January wave of resolve. I’m feeling exhausted and having second thoughts on my resolutions.
I didn’t give myself a lot of time in December to reflect on the year and really think about what I wanted out of 2020. That was my first mistake, and something I’m going to sit down and focus on before the end of next week. But, for starters, my email inbox has been a cluttered disaster for as long as I can remember, and that was the one thing I said I’d be better at this year. So, instead of hundreds of emails sitting there, I now have one page. Yes, that’s right, ONE page! I had to drag the family computer into my room to do it because I realized that when I’m in the kitchen/main room, I’m either cooking or cleaning or helping the kids, and I don’t make the time to respond to email. It looks ugly in my bedroom, but I’m not pining to be an instagram design sensation, and I’ll find a place for it soon, but for now, this strategy is working. In this past week, I’ve responded to everything necessary and unsubscribed from a ton of other things despite the fear of missing 30% off on the biggest sale ever that ends tonight; except that, next week it will be the biggest sale ever again, and I need less stuff in my life anyway. (Well, maybe just a few more pillows. Ha!).
So that feels good, but the other thing I thought I really wanted was to get up an hour before my kids to be more productive. I could do things like write the newsletter (you can tell that didn’t happen), meditate, stretch, read a good book… who knows, for that one magical hour, the world would be my oyster. But, I can’t bring myself to do it. I keep making excuses. Oh, George came into our bed in the middle of the night, I should appreciate this time and snuggle. They are growing so fast. Or, I didn’t sleep well, I should take the extra hour.
For YEARS, I woke up at the crack of dawn – no that’s not right – I woke up in the dark so that I could work out and be done by the crack of dawn. I would get up at 4:45 to exercise from 5:30-6:30am so that I only missed a little of the kids in the morning. It was amazing. It became habit. I just did it and didn’t think about it. But then my kids all started elementary school and I realized I could drop them off and go work out from 8:30-9:30 on the days we aren’t in the office. It’s been almost two years of this. Because at least one of our kids generally ends up in our bed and stays asleep until 7am (as long as I don’t move) I’ve been unconsciously training myself to stay in bed until 7am. Unfortunately, that’s become habit, and I don’t like it! Yes, I love those snuggles, but I also miss having that time before they wake up – that time before I’m a mom and a wife. It was so much better to set my alarm and get up early to go do an amazing work out with women I grew to love.
It has been harder than I anticipated to set my alarm to get up only to sit and go through e-mail, or write a newsletter, or create content for our website, or finally learn how to market on instagram, or figure out how to take the test to become a broker. These are all things I want to do, but they don’t get me out of bed like a kid on Christmas morning. I set my alarm for 6am this morning and I couldn’t sleep all night thinking about all the reasons why I didn’t want to get out of bed at 6… I might wake George; it’s cold; I’ve been up all night on and off and sleep is important; my shoulder is killing me and I need to go see Dr. Jay tomorrow; I don’t want to sit in front of a computer. You guys, the excuses we make for ourselves are impressive and endless. But you have to decide if this is something you want, and if it truly is, at some point you have to be stronger than your excuses. (And don’t get me started on the “I’m not smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough…” excuses we make for not even daring to recognize some of the dreams we have in our heart. Those are the deep excuses that I want us all to squash right this second, because all of us are enough and if we want something bad enough and work hard enough, it will happen, and I promise you, I’ll be there cheering for you!! Sorry for the tangent).
This morning was the first time in 9 days that I haven’t shut my alarm in the middle of the night, so that’s a good first step. But when my alarm did go off this morning, I silenced it and laid back down until 6:45. A little win, and a big fail. I struggle and we all do, but what matters is that we don’t quit. As expected, George got up when I did and I’m currently trying to type this with him sitting half on me. (“But mom, I need your snuggles and I love your squish”). I can’t say no to that and bless my kids for truly loving that I’m squishy. Any way, by 7:00, all the kids and the dogs are sitting here and now it’s 7:15 and I’m starting to stress about them getting dressed for school, lunches, etc. Not quite what I envisioned, but it’s a start.
What are your goals for 2020? Do you want to be more productive? (that was mine) Maybe the way you thought you’d be more productive isn’t working so far, or maybe it just hasn’t become a habit yet. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Give yourself grace and time. Maybe I need to get up at 5:50 and go for a quick 10 min walk or a few minutes of yoga and then sit down at the computer? I don’t know yet. But I do know that I am going to figure that out. So if you’re nine or ten days into your resolutions and aren’t crushing them yet, don’t give up! We can do this. Almost nothing works out perfectly on the first go, so keep at it and tweak and fine tune as you move along. I’d honestly love to hear your resolutions so I can cheer you on. Please e-mail me – I’m actually going to check it; I promise! 2020 goals. Get it.
Angie + Dr. Cap